Jokes and Humor

Okay, why did the chicken cross the road? What do you get when you cross Madonna and Bill Clinton? I don't know, but maybe someone does!

Mary Jane was walking in the forest when a squirrel ran up her skirt.
Mary Jane laughed, and laughed, because she knew there were no nuts up there.

Mary Jane set the garage on fire. Her mother said her father was going to kill her when he got home.
Mary Jane laughed, and laughed, because she knew her father was in the garage.

These were popular during the Depression, and they're terribly funny, yet sick in some cases.

Ok,

The teacher asks the students who was an Obama fan.
Not knowing what an Obama fan was, but wanting to be
liked by the teacher, everyone raised their hands except LITTLE JOHNNY.
The teacher asked him why not, he replyed,
" My mom is a Republican, And my dad is a republican, so that makes me a republican.
Angered by his response the teacher replyed, well, if ( DONT READ, COULD BE OFFENDED, But, still very funny for those with dry sense of humers)

Spoiler:

dude, you don't have to spoiler that... this is a joke section...

Well, I Don't want to offend anyone ya know.

well, if anyone is offended, then they have problems.

I only tell a couple of jokes....so, here's one...

Man goes to see the Empire State Building....he visits the roof, like all people do....but he's not enjoying it. One of the security people suggests he might like to go down a couple of floors where he'll find a bar with a great view. The only deal is that there's a 3 drink minimum...you drink or you pay if you want to see the view.

Man follows this suggestion and is STUNNED. The bar is in the middle of the floor and all the walls are glass providing a 360 view. He's more than happy to go to the bar and order his first beer...heck, this is what taxis are for right?

Midway through his beer, the man next to him gives him a look...."First time here?" he asks.

"Yup"

"Did you know that this building is so high up in the air, that the wind currents are completely unlike anything down at ground level?"

"That makes sense, I guess."

"In fact" (the bar man continued) "if I were to jump out that window, I wouldn't fall to the ground. I'd be pushed back through the window quite safely".

"No, way!" (Man says)

"It's true" the bar man says.

"Prove it!" says the Man.

"Only if you buy me another round."

"Okay, that's not a problem"

bar man walks over to the window and cranks it open....he climbs up on the ledge, looks back at the Man and says "here goes!"...

bar man JUMPS!!!

the Man is appalled, he screams and runs to the window....where he sees bar man floating and soaring about the window....then, being deposited on the ledge where the Man grabs him and pulls him into the room.

"OH MY GOD!!" the Man screams.... "That was amazing!"

"Thank you...I believe you owe me a drink?"

the Man buys bar man a drink....while he's finishing it, the Man says "ya know...that was probably just a fluke, I mean, the winds can't always be that way up here, you just got lucky"

bar man replies "no, it's always like that...care to make it double or nothing?"

"what?"

"Double or nothing...I go out the window again and if I get blown back in, you have to buy me two more drinks...if I fall to the ground and die, well then (he pulls out his wallet and lays a $10 bill on the bar) you get your money back for the drink you bought this time..."

the Man can't think of a reason to refuse this...so, he accepts....bar man goes to the window and the soaring, floating, depositing thing is repeated...

the Man is beside himself! He pays for the next 2 drinks for bar man and then runs to the window crying out "I have to do this!"....

He climbs out the window and plumets to his death.

The bartender looks at bar man and says "you know...you are one mean drunk, Superman."

I have no idea what that means....one of 4 jokes I can actually manage to tell and I get that emoticon? (note: 1 of my 4 is not fit for any board that does not require posters to be over 18 so don't ask!!!)

That's what PMs are for... (:

This piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve string here."
The string replies, "I'm not a piece of string!"
"Yes you are."
"No, I'm afraid not."


(A frayed knot?!?!)

yeah...
okay:

This is an amazing video. BUT... if you haven't had health class yet, cover your eyes.
It is NOT explicit in its content, but just be prepared for inuendos...